A New Year

2015 was about adventure, savoring moments, and learning how to live well in whatever season I found myself in. It was about trying new things, planting deeper roots, making yet another move, and digging into raw and vulnerable community.  I had a surgery, I cooked new foods, I went skydiving, I was baptized,. Much like every year, there we tears and laughter.  There were moments of joy and sorrow.  I saw miracles happens (I mean, the Royals won the World Series).

I crawled across the finish line of 2015 exhausted and in a dark place.  In the past few months I have been transparent with those around in ways I never knew I was capable of.  I have been raw with the Lord to the point of tears.   The new year came as it always does, and though I was ready to put 2015 behind me, I was unprepared.

Every year I choose a word to focus on.  I usually have the word in late November and I am ready to embrace it once the new year hits.
In 2013 it was trust.  That was the year I was laid off and had to start over professionally.
In 2014 it was faith.  That was the year I was called into education and was apply ing for teaching jobs.
In 2015 it was savor.  That was the year that, well, I can’t even process yet what last year was.  I’m not far enough removed from 2015 to fully embrace it just yet.

As I have been praying through what 2016 will bring I have found myself wishing the life I planned for myself was the one I was living.  The life I planned included my friends and I all reaching the same milestones around the same times.  It included being able to work one job to cover my expenses instead of two.  It did not include spending holidays by myself or strategically writing a check near the weekend so it wouldn’t bounce before I got paid on the following Monday.

The last 6 years of my life are not the last 6 years I intended to have.  Yet, they are the ones I lived.  There were days I just laughed at my life.  There were days that were so hard I didn’t want to get out of bed.  But I kept moving forward, seeking truth in the hard moments.  I had to fight for joy when life was overwhelming.

And this is what I have learned: the life I am living is exactly the life God has intended me to live.  And I know this because God is sovereign.  He is faithful.  He has promised me that in the hopeless moments, He is my hope.  He is enough. His grace is sufficient.  There is hope in the fragile places of my heart because God is stronger.  Scripture is filled with promises and that is what I cling to.  God’s promises come into the darkness and bring light. It gives us a hope when the path is unclear and when the walls are caving in.

In this moment, the life I have is enough because He is enough.  No matter what I feel in my  heart, I am in the perfect place because God’s grace is sufficient.  He has given me my daily bread.

I wish I could tell you that knowing that makes me content.  Contentment for me comes in waves.  I have just ridden a wave that lasted longer than I care to admit.  The result was worth it; I grew in deeper community and know that I am not alone even when I feel lonely, I heard the Lord in ways I never have before, and I experienced the enoughness of the Lord.   I have to go back to truth daily.

The Word wraps me in confidence of God’s sovereign plan.  When I am in a hard place, I tend to believe I will always be in that place.  I so often forget the God is continually making things new and redeeming His people.  Every season is for our sanctification and every season happens for my good and God’s glory (Romans 8).  Hope will not disappoint.  In moments of comparison, I will go to truth.  I will believe in God’s goodness not just for others,  but for me too.  I will cling to immeasurably more.   I will pursue Christ and Christ-likeness not success or balance.

So for 2016, my desire is to thrive.  To rest in blessed assurance that God is enough, that I am enough, and that I have enough.  And no matter how I may feel, my story is the exact story that God intends to use for His glory.







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